Top 5 Times I Almost Died

Note I tried to be as accurate as I could regarding the dates, although I am sure some of them are slightly off.

#5 June 6th, 1997 : I was at an Armenian picnic at the local park. It must have been somebody’s birthday. Me and the other Armenian youths went to play a game of soccer. When we finished we made our way back. We had to cross a small street where a motorcyclist was waiting for us to cross so that he could go. I was the last to cross and I had the soccer ball. As I was crossing I was just tossing the ball in the air and catching it. My last toss was just terrible, it went right behind me. Instead of just letting it go I ran back to catch it not really paying attention to the motorcyclist. I guess the idiot thought I crossed the street and not really paying attention either he hit the gas. Anyway as you can imagine, he ran me over. I didn’t realize what happened, all I knew was that something hit me really hard and I was on the ground and my leg hurt like hell. The guy stopped to see if I was okay. Me, for some reason wanting to act all tough in front of the Armenian girls, jump up like nothing is wrong and say “oh I’m fine, no problem, doesn’t hurt at all” and the guy apologizes and rides off. One girl comes up to me and says “what the hell is the matter with you, the guys’ motorcycle drove over one of your legs and you say you’re okay?” I was like “really? He actually drove over one of my legs? Awesome!” She looks at me and says “You’re an idiot” and walks away. I limp back to my parents. That night I couldn’t sleep at all because of the pain in my leg. But I guess it wasn’t broken because I never went the doctor and it never hurt again. But that was close.

#4 December 12th, 1995. It was winter and we lived on a second floor and we had a balcony. So There I was on the balcony leaning over for some reason I don’t remember anymore. Anyway I must have leaned over too far because I fell from the balcony and landed on my back. Good thing it snowed a lot during the night so there was a lot of cushion otherwise I would have surely broken my back. But it was still very painful.

#3 October 22nd 1991: Returning home after school I was being chased by two bullies who always picked on me. Running like crazy I was crossing the bridge when all of a sudden my backpack got caught on the rail causing me to swing against the railing where I received a puncture wound to my temple from a rusty nail that was sticking out. I was bleeding all over as I made my way home. When I got home my hysterical mother and my always calm grandfather drove me to the clinic where I was stitched up. The doctor said that had the nail wounded my slightly deeper I would have died.

#2 July 12th, 1996: I’m at some educational type summer camp in Kansas. It’s the weekend so they take us all to some kind of water park. At this water park there is this huge ass pool that has artificial waves so it acts like the ocean or something. Now at that time I couldn’t swim at all, and my friend at the camp couldn’t swim either. So we decided to get some kind of an inflatable boat thing where we sit and float in this huge pool. While we are floating, another friend of ours, this huge fat dude swims towards us and without even asking starts to climb into our inflated boat. We tell him to stop but it’s too late. The fat bastard tips the boat over and the next thing I know is that me and my friend are drowning. Really drowning. I am underwater I can’t swim I am tugging at him he is tugging at me and we are seriously drowning. In a minute we get saved by none other than our fat friend who put us in the water in the first place. He pulls us into the boat again and we are safe. Then he wants us to thank him for saving our lives. What an asshole.

#1 September 11th 2001: No I wasn’t in New York nor at the pentagon. On the morning of 9/11 after dropping off my sister at school I made a right turn on a street going east with the sun so bright that all I can see was white I couldn’t see anything at all. Instead of slowing down for safety I just kept going even though I knew there is a traffic light in front of me, hoping its green I keep going, I was wrong. It was a red light and the cars were crossing, crossing fast, as I barely managed to drive right through them. Amazingly I didn’t hit anybody, however had there been a second of a difference I would surely have died.

new blog address creates emptiness for weeks

When did the blog address change. For weeks I have felt empty not being able to reach the old website and finally I find out that there is a new address. I am going to blame Ashot for the lack of communication, trust and blogging friendship...I could blame K-berg also but I feel its too cliche to blame the Jews....especially if its coming from a Muslim.

Why London is NOT...HOT

Ok, so I just have some time to write a piece on my recent travels around the Western World and I hope I have some interesting things to say. You see, I was trying to discover some hidden aspects of this world so my first stop was London. As everyone knows, the world was built upon London, not Rome or Athens...no London was really the first megapower with colonies in far-off worlds of Asia, America and Africa - see in many ways, London is like AAA, there when you need them bad and there to help you out with a quick fix. They also had the steam engine. So what could be better......or so I thought.

Just one example, stay with me here.

Alex, a fellow traveler of mine and I settled into a cafe, i don't remember its name. He has the pictures, in the case you are seriously curious.

Well, the waitor approached us. That's where the trouble began. His English was not strong and for some reason, I immediately knew what to get, just some tea. I didn't want to confuse him and didn't have time for a full meal. Well, in fact, I changed my mind and ordered coffee. Being a coffee lover, I expected a large cup, 20oz, 16oz, dammit even 6 oz would have been sufficient. All I got were 2 dinky ounces. in a small porcelain cup. 4.00 euros.

WTF?! I traveled half way around the world to get this. Haha, that was half the trouble. My buddy, ordered a water. He just wanted it out of the tap. He got sparkling water in a nice bottle. In any case, he was pissed even more than I was, his water cost more than my coffee...think about it. His water cost more than my coffee and he didn't even want it. Well he ended up paying for it and eventually only ordered tap water after that.

Whats funny is that the waitor, along with others would stoop over us like a cloud while we were counting our change and grabbed it as soon as we were done. This is prevelant apparentely in the Western European countries. Fourtunately, he got little tip as the service sucked and you get what you deserve.

There are countries that rock in Europe mainly Holland, France and Germany. The UK could really use some work in the service department.

Our conclusion: Everything in America is better, bigger and cheaper so don't travel to UK if you are looking for fun. Vegas will suffice. Moreover, if you are dying to travel abroad, Israel is the place to go. Or Armenia. Just the two of those. You will enjoy them. Trust me.

A real life Doogie Howser

Casually looking through the news on the internet today I couldn’t help noticing the headline I saw on MSN news “Teen surgeon flees as police plan to arrest him.” Teen surgeon??? What the heck? I’m almost 25 and I’m only done with my first year of medical school, how the heck does this teenager a surgeon already? I had to read to find out. Turns out that the teen is only 15 years old and he actually delivered a baby by Caesarean section. How the heck is this possible? Well, it turns out he is a son of two surgeons, brown too (most likely Indian based on the dot I see on the mothers forehead, aha I’m so smart). The father of the boy really wanted his son to get into the Guinness Book of World Records as the youngest surgeon in history. Unbelievable. What’s really funny is that the boy took off running to avoid arrest. I can just see him at a bar talking to the bartender, “they just don’t appreciate my genius, they don’t understand what I can do man. I’ll take milk, make it chocolate.” The article didn’t really say, but I assume the boy got his medical training from his parents, probably by the time he turned 10. Amazing. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, brown people are too smart for their own good.

Die Rushdie Die!

Looks like those silly Muslims got their panties all in a knot again. Oh Mohammedans, what is it that got you all upset this time? No it’s not another cartoon about their prophet from the Netherlands; the Dutch learned their lesson well. Israel firing rockets into Gaza? Oh that happens everyday anyway; it can’t be that, right. Ah yes, I know what it is this time, that infidel Salman Rushdie got knighted recently. Yes, that would piss me off too, and I’m not even a Muslim. The guy is a terrible writer and the only reason he is even famous is because he angered a lot of Muslim by his allegory of the prophet Mohammad in his novel The Satanic Verses. I read that book. The most boring piece of shit literature I’ve read since I had to read The Color Purple in college, and at least that book was about a lesbian.

Now some of you might say, oh you just didn’t understand the genius of Salman Rushdie. Are you serious? What kind of genius does it take to take the story of Mohammed, change his name into Mahound, and also change the names of the cities, kings, and the ancient gods, and then call it originality. Give me a break. And the Mohammed story was just half of the book, the rest of the book was a painfully boring battle between two humans who fell from a plane in the sky and lived, one became a self absorbed angel while the other became a depressed demon. The premise sounds very interesting, but trust me it was not, it was the most boring book I ever picked up to read. The book is so packed of allegories and metaphors that in the end I just felt like puking my guts out. So why does he get knighted? Well, it can’t be because of his book, it was terrible. He got knighted because he converted from being Indian, into being British, and because he pissed off a lot of Muslims. So, the message, “join us, be like us, say fuck off to your own people, and we will let you into our club and give you reward and here take this sexy woman as your wife” The son of a bitch does have a hot wife, damn.

The question is, are the Muslims overreacting just as they were overreacting with the Dutch cartoons? Why and why not? You all can comment about that if you wish, after I give my own opinion.

Of course they are overreacting. They are overreacting as they have always been overreacting, acting on emotion instead of reason. However, I think it’s wrong to think that the Muslims are the only ones that overreact when their prophet gets questioned or disrespected. They are not alone. Remember back when Dan Brown first wrote that terrible, terrible, god-awful piece of writing called The Da Vinci Code? Why the Catholic Church was furious. Not just the Catholics, why the whole Christendom was upset at Brown. He was criticized widely, not just for his terrible writing skills, or his poor research of European art history, but of course for his claims that Jesus Christ did not die, but lived on to give birth to the first royal lineage of French monarchs. Ha! Take that England! Anyway, the whole scandal was repeated when they made the movie, again there was outrage from Vatican City, there were calls to boycott the movie, and I believe some cities across the world banned the movie from being shown.

That was one example. There are more, such as the unearthing of Joshua’s tomb. The tomb had an inscription that supposedly said “Joshua, son of Jesus.” Anyway there was outcry and outrage in this episode as well. And let’s not forget the battle of the Ten Commandments in the Alabama state judiciary building, where the government removed a monument to the Ten Commandments that drew lots of outrage and protesting from the Christian community. So it happens to all religious crazies across the world, not just the Muslims. However, even with that said, nobody burns as many things or throws as many stones as the Muslims do when they protest. Nothing can top that. Except perhaps blowing up abortion clinics and operation Shock and Awe baby! Oh yeah. Check and mate.

Psychopathic dream?

I woke up from a very weird dream this morning. I don’t remember most of the dream, except that I was part of a raid on some people. I remember I was part of some group but who they were and why I was with them I don’t know. The group was going around and killing everybody in sight, and I was doing the same. Men, women, no matter who got in my way I would either stab them with what I remember was a long ass sword which was in my left hand, or shoot them with a revolver that was in my right hand. So there I was running around with a weapon in each hand, sword in left, revolver in right, killing everybody in my way. I would run up to some woman and just stab her deep in her stomach with my sword and watch her die. Then I would run up to some dude and just shoot him in the face with my revolver. Sounds creepy right? Yeah I know, it’s a good thing I am not some psychopath.

I wash my hands (rerun)

I do, but not every one of my fellow student does the same. I was at the library studying and I went to use the restroom, there was another guy in there that I recognized as one of the second year med students. When I finished, I washed my hands. He did not, he didn't even flush the toilet, he left without washing his hands. That bothered me. Here is why.I wash my hands everytime I use the facilities. I never used to do it that often, but ever since I began my journey to become a physican I make sure to wash my hands everytime I use the bathroom, especially in public restrooms. Why? Is it because I know something now that I didn't now before, no. I knew before that I should always wash my hands, just like I know it now, its just that now, I am in training to become a professional, one that is held to a certain higher standard and needs to be a role model to his fellow citizen for many things, one of which is HYGIENE. How can I tell others to obey the laws of hygiene, at least while in public, if I don't do it myself. Am I wrong? Am I wrong for thinking the guy will make a worthless doctor? I could be wrong, its just that I feel so damn right.