Why half a lamb is better than no lamb at all

To make sure I don’t embarrass my friends, I will not mention the place nor the time of the following events and will only refer to them as Q (the girl) and J (the guy). Also, the following story is completely true, but most parts have been exaggerated or embellished to add some extra flavor.

It all began when I first found out that both Q and J are fellow country men whose parents emigrated from same country. I met J first, back in orientation and I met Q later on in beginning of block 2. I liked them both instantly and when I found out their common heritage, I knew that they belonged together, and it would be my duty to get them to fall in love and thus completely my dream of becoming a Hanuma.

I decided to approach J first because I knew him longer and better than I did Q at that point in time. As I thought of a perfect way to introduce the idea of Q as his future lover and wife, my mind came up blank, so I improvised and did the first thing that came to my mind.
“You’ve got the hots for Q, man!”
“What???”
“I know you like her dude, don’t hide it.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
As you can see this did not work out too well, so I had to change my strategy, or rather think of a strategy. So I started to think, but it was hard, I had no prior Hanuma experience. “What would a real Hanuma do?” I asked myself. Fortunately for Armenians, there just happens to be a movie made by Armenia, titled Hanuma, which is about a Hanuma, doing her thing. In my desperate hour, I turned to this movie, for inspiration. After I finished watching the tape, I was ready to do some serious match making. According to the film, one way to set up a match, can be as simple as just introducing the idea, its like giving them the push that is needed. This time, I decided to approach Q.
“So Q, what do you think of J?”
“He seems like a nice guy.”
“Oh he’s nice alright, very niiiiice, right?”
“Ummmm, okay.”
Realizing I don’t really know what to say next, I started to nod my head and move my eyes towards the directions of J while moving my eyebrows up and down as I nod towards him. To my surprise she began to do the same eye moving, head nodding, eye brow raising maneuver. At first I took this to be great success and kept up the hinting glances and nods towards J on a daily basis. Q would always respond but only later did I realize that it was nothing more than Qs self-defense strategy in the form of sarcasm. I decided she needed more persuasion, so I approached her again a day later. This time I decided to be more direct.
“So, you know you and J are from same country, you should get married.”
“What???”
“You know, he comes from real good family, it be good match.”
“Listen, why you doing this? You want to make it really awkward for me to be in class?”
“Nooo, I just think you two would make a great husband and wife.”
“You are so racist, you think just because we are both from same country that means we only can marry each other! You need to stop embarrassing me! You either stop or else I won’t talk to you anymore!”
Well that didn’t go exactly as planned, but I’m sure she started to think about him in a whole new way, so I thought anyway. I decided to cut my loses with Q and shift my attention to J. This time I knew what I would say to him.
“So, you totally got the hots for Q, man.”
“What??? Are up to no good again?”
“Admit it dude, she would make a nice wife, right?”
“Yeah, I guess, but where do you think the vegas nerve is?”
“Dude just let E find it he loves that shit, I’m talking about Q man! She likes you man.”
“Oh whatever, shut up! Why don’t you help me tell the difference between this nerve and artery.”
“What? Who cares, I’m talking about your future wife here. She is from good family, I don’t know if your country does dowries, but I’m sure hers would be huge.”
“Can you pass the smaller scissors?”
“What the hell dude? Are you listening to me?”
“No, you’re talking out of your ass, you’re embarrassing me and Q, and you need to stop before you make it really awkward for us even to be friends.”
“Be friends? You need to stop worrying about being friends, and start thinking about how to get your parents and her parents to discuss wedding arrangements.”
“Enough, we need to go over the heart now.”
And so my efforts to bring two hearts together failed. Not only did I fail to make these two fall in love, my efforts backfired. I noticed the two were no longer comfortable around each other. For instance, every time they would start a conversation, I noticed they would always look at me to make sure I wasn’t doing no head nodding or eyebrow rising. Slowly their conversations would deteriorate and then it got worse later on when they would constantly argue. I didn’t know what to do to help, the damage was done, there was no going back, and today they are barely on speaking terms, all because of my failure as a Hanuma. Later after the year ended, I asked my father why I failed. He told me its because Hanuma is for Armenians, and every people have their own matchmaker. But I have my own theory. I failed because I was too liberal on this whole issue by approaching Q and J themselves. They are young and foolish and way too emotional. I should have acted more traditionally and gone straight to their parents, negotiated a deal and then collected my two lambs and then go make good horovats, which is Armenian for shishkabab.