Die Rushdie Die!

Looks like those silly Muslims got their panties all in a knot again. Oh Mohammedans, what is it that got you all upset this time? No it’s not another cartoon about their prophet from the Netherlands; the Dutch learned their lesson well. Israel firing rockets into Gaza? Oh that happens everyday anyway; it can’t be that, right. Ah yes, I know what it is this time, that infidel Salman Rushdie got knighted recently. Yes, that would piss me off too, and I’m not even a Muslim. The guy is a terrible writer and the only reason he is even famous is because he angered a lot of Muslim by his allegory of the prophet Mohammad in his novel The Satanic Verses. I read that book. The most boring piece of shit literature I’ve read since I had to read The Color Purple in college, and at least that book was about a lesbian.

Now some of you might say, oh you just didn’t understand the genius of Salman Rushdie. Are you serious? What kind of genius does it take to take the story of Mohammed, change his name into Mahound, and also change the names of the cities, kings, and the ancient gods, and then call it originality. Give me a break. And the Mohammed story was just half of the book, the rest of the book was a painfully boring battle between two humans who fell from a plane in the sky and lived, one became a self absorbed angel while the other became a depressed demon. The premise sounds very interesting, but trust me it was not, it was the most boring book I ever picked up to read. The book is so packed of allegories and metaphors that in the end I just felt like puking my guts out. So why does he get knighted? Well, it can’t be because of his book, it was terrible. He got knighted because he converted from being Indian, into being British, and because he pissed off a lot of Muslims. So, the message, “join us, be like us, say fuck off to your own people, and we will let you into our club and give you reward and here take this sexy woman as your wife” The son of a bitch does have a hot wife, damn.

The question is, are the Muslims overreacting just as they were overreacting with the Dutch cartoons? Why and why not? You all can comment about that if you wish, after I give my own opinion.

Of course they are overreacting. They are overreacting as they have always been overreacting, acting on emotion instead of reason. However, I think it’s wrong to think that the Muslims are the only ones that overreact when their prophet gets questioned or disrespected. They are not alone. Remember back when Dan Brown first wrote that terrible, terrible, god-awful piece of writing called The Da Vinci Code? Why the Catholic Church was furious. Not just the Catholics, why the whole Christendom was upset at Brown. He was criticized widely, not just for his terrible writing skills, or his poor research of European art history, but of course for his claims that Jesus Christ did not die, but lived on to give birth to the first royal lineage of French monarchs. Ha! Take that England! Anyway, the whole scandal was repeated when they made the movie, again there was outrage from Vatican City, there were calls to boycott the movie, and I believe some cities across the world banned the movie from being shown.

That was one example. There are more, such as the unearthing of Joshua’s tomb. The tomb had an inscription that supposedly said “Joshua, son of Jesus.” Anyway there was outcry and outrage in this episode as well. And let’s not forget the battle of the Ten Commandments in the Alabama state judiciary building, where the government removed a monument to the Ten Commandments that drew lots of outrage and protesting from the Christian community. So it happens to all religious crazies across the world, not just the Muslims. However, even with that said, nobody burns as many things or throws as many stones as the Muslims do when they protest. Nothing can top that. Except perhaps blowing up abortion clinics and operation Shock and Awe baby! Oh yeah. Check and mate.